Monday 4th January, 2010

Winter hibernation over, I head to the station to reap the benefit of FCC's New Year’s resolutions.

Arrived at 8.43 (I know, I know, but you’ve got to ease your way back gently) to find an updated new improved revised timetable in operation. Or ‘inoperation’ as described on the departure board – finger trouble? I wonder. This promised no London bound train for the next 15 minutes, followed by a flurry of activity with 3 london bound trains in the course of 10 minutes. A slow 08.48 from Platform 1, fast 09.05 from platform 3 and a delayed fast 09.02 due at 09.07 also on platform 3. Ideally set for a quick round of the ‘Snorbans Shuffle’.

Opening move: I played safe and made for platform 1 in plenty of time to catch the slow train. 08.56. No sign of a train, but the board still promises an on time departure. 08.57. A northbound train terminates at platform 2. I smell a rat. Could this be the 08.58? How will the driver get it into the siding, get to the other end of the train, drive it to platform 1, open and close the doors and depart by 08.58? Is it a bluff? Who will crack first?

FCC makes its move. The departure board changes. The 08.58 will now depart at 09.03, the train at platform 2 pulls off and into the siding. I make my second move, heading for the stairs at a brisk walk and over to platform 3 to catch the fast 09.05. Arrive on the platform at 09.00 to find that FCC has made its second move. The delayed 09.02 has mysteriously overtaken the 09.05 and is due next, at 09.04.

The silence is broken by the pounding of footsteps as the driver of the train now in the siding sprints from one end of the train to the other. The train moves into platform 1. Tension rises.

09.02. FCC plays its Joker. The tannoy crackles into life and announces that the train approaching platform 3 is the delayed 09.02, and will consist of … 4 carriages.

Almost too late I realise that FCC have spent their Christmas mischievously decoupling the 8 carriage trains. The platform’s too busy, I’ll never get on. I sprint back to the stairs and there’s panic. I fight against the tide of people running down to get on the 09.02. Some continue. Others turn back, sensing the panic, and run for platform 1.

I arrive back on platform 1 just in time to board the delayed 8.58. The doors close and we pull out. Is that the sound of laughter I hear over the tannoy? What fun.

The journey continues without incident, and with no sign of a 4 carriage rain thundering past …