Wednesday 27th January, 2010

I now know there are at least 2 and a half of those nice new trains. I know this because of this morning’s experience. I was late, having had to do a school run, and just missed a London bound train. There were no more trains for the next 15 minutes (in line with the timetable), after which we were promised a slow train at 8.58 (platform 1), and a fast train at 9.03 (platform 3).

In my brave new spirit of trust and adventure the 9.03 was the only option, so I skipped over to platform 3 to wait.

Just as an aside, on the platform were 2 FCC operatives warming their hands on a walkie talkie and looking worried. The reason for their concern became clear as one roared into the walkie talkie:

‘Ere, Tarquin. About this terminator that’s coming into platform 2. Your announcement said it’s long, but Henrietta here reckons it’s definitely a short one. Please confirm, urgent, over’ (I’ve changed the names, not to protect the innocent, but because I’ve forgotten them).

On the basis that I can see no reason why anyone should give a flying toss whether a train ending its journey is short or long (except, maybe, the people getting off) I am, at this point, slightly anxious that we’re about to have a visit from a futuristic killing machine. However I am quickly reassured.

‘Roger that, Godfrey. I can confirm that it is a long train, 8 carriages, over and out.’

Well thank goodness we sorted that out.

After the morning’s entertainment I waited, and as I did I saw 2 of the shiny new trains travel through, northbound. I then watched that 8.58 depart from platform 1, more or less on schedule.

The 9.03 was slightly delayed, and a healthy crowd had gathered by the time it arrived. Could be a problem getting a seat, better sharpen my elbows. Our spirits were lifted as another nice shiny new train poked its head around the bend, but were quickly dashed when its tail emerged rather more quickly than we anticipated. IT'S HALF A ******* NEW TRAIN, ALREADY FULL TO ******* BURSTING!! No chance of getting on, a mumbled apology about a lack of rolling stock, and a trudge back to platform 1 for the next slow train.

Our friends at FCC may be attempting to run a normal timetable, but they are not attempting to do it with normal length trains. That's called cheating (or clever management around the boardroom table). Seems that they are now short of rolling stock as well as drivers. Trouble is, you can't ask the rolling stock to do overtime.

Why is there never a killing machine around when you need one?